Growing Up

Hello!

Aly here, for the first time in a while. Missed me? (I hear that a lot these days, y'know.) It felt like a good time to write on this blog, so here I am.

I talked to Molly this morning before going to school (via Skype), and it was just awesome, despite the fact that she really should have been sleeping and I should have been eating breakfast. She already knows I miss her bunches, but conversations like that make me so glad I'm gone, and don't worry, I'll explain that statement (it's not because I'm missing drama).

The thing about being a foreign place for a long period of time, without your "security blanket", is that is forces you to re-define yourself. When you don't know anybody, not really, you have to figure out who you are all over again and show that to new people. I thought I had myself figured out, or as figured out as any teenager can... but yet, this experience has proven me wrong. The great thing about me being gone is that it's the same for Molly at home, just in a different way. Same surroundings, same people, same self, just the definition of self that comes once you're detached from your "twin", somebody that knows you just as well (if not better) than you know yourself.

I'd already done the religion thing, figuring out what I believe more precisely, and I'm very comfortable with what I believe now-- there's no questioning or uncertainty on my part. For Molly, this hasn't been the case. It's not my place to say, but the reason for her recent very religious posts are that she has finally figured it out for herself. Without me influencing, because that's one thing were we're opposite. The thing is, she's figured out so much more than that while I've been gone, and that conversation this morning showed me that. I've changed, too, but we're still twins and best friends, and I am really happy for her, that she's had the same opportunity to grow, even if the religion thing freaked me out at first.

The truth of the matter is that we're growing up, both of us. Separately and at the same time, but we're growing up in such a way that we'd both have to slap you if you said "growing apart". Oceans can separate us in distance, but at the same time, that's impossible.

It's been four months here (as of tomorrow), but I'm already so different from when I left. I'm different in ways that I LIKE. I feel older, in a good way-- more mature, more understanding. I feel less like a kid mentally; this experience has given me insights into myself and other people, and even my mother. I'm still learning and growing, but without coming here, I don't think it would be the same.

I've just come back from vacation. I'm kind of out of it. That vacation was amazing, and I spent a LOT of time thinking and reflecting, writing and contemplating my time here. What have I accomplished? Many things, but not enough of what I wanted. I'm anxious to start traveling again, to learn more and discover. To continue to prove to myself that I AM capable of all the things I doubt I can do. When I go home, I will be able to say this was the experience of a lifetime, because including the bad things, the timing wasn't wrong. No matter what N says, that I'm too young for this... I know-- for myself-- that the timing was perfect.

My time here will nearly be over in 2 months. The end of a dream, I would have said. In a way, it is. Can it be the end of a dream if I realized a dream I didn't know I had and lived another experience? If it exceeded expectations or disappointed, was it the same dream? I'm not the same person, not exactly... but yes, this is my dream; it's my reality, too.

♥
-Aly

P.S. Molly, talk to you soon!

FIM is OFFICIALLY AWESOME

Hihi!

Yesterday was awesome and I would write about it but I am BURSTING WITH JOY so I really can't focus on yesterday at the moment.

I AM TALKING TO ANGIE ON FIM (facebook instant messaging). RIGHT NOW. AS IN SHE IS IN FRANCE AND I AM IN MY HOUSE AND WE ARE SPEAKING OVER THE INTERNET.
AND IT IS AWESOME.
AND I AM JOYFUL.

But I seem to be unable to "penser en Francais" as Madame would like... ahhh! I AM TOO EXCITED!

Holy shigoodness, this has made my day like x 59,999 better.

*JOY!*

For Clarification:

I am massively in love with France. The culture, the language, the country. I've wanted to go to France since I can remember and THIS YEAR, I may have the chance to. You see, my dad is good friends with Pierre, who is French-Lebanese and has family in France. He knows of my desire to go to France as an exchange student, and is helping my dad and I plan my trip to France and live with Pierre's sister. This would mean that I could go to France without the restrictions of going through an exchange program, which would be cheaper and safer. We would know the family (sorta) and it would just generally be so much more awesome. Regretfully, Angie (Pierre's niece) and I are TERRIBLE at emailing each other, which is why the FIM conversation makes me so happy. Even though I'm not speaking in French.

-Aly